L's thoughts...

So-
I went to UPTOWN Gold's the other day (4/1, no i'm not april fooling ya), and it was chock-full of douches. It hasn't been that busy since mid-January (you know, all the stupid resolutioners). It's like everyone realized, WOW, it's APRIL, I better start getting ready for summer. We are talking douche men who's muscles are so effing huge it looks like their skin is going to, like, EXPLODE... I'm sure the skin around their _______ is fine though.

I am a pretty confident person- but when I walk into uptown Gold's in April, I suddenly feel-------- HUGE and pale, and my hair is definitely not blond enough. Oh and I have a panty-line straight outta hell. How do the other girls have NO panty line at all? Doesn't make sense to me--commando at the gym is NOT happening for me.

I also don't understand how half the people aren't even breaking a sweat. Isn't that how you build muscle and burn calories? SWEATING??? If I come out of the gym looking just as pale and dry as I did going in--- I consider gym trip--->FAIL.

YESTERDAY I went to a different Gold's location.... Now, as noted before, I often look stupid at the gym-- panty lines, ankle socks that aren't quite invisible etc. BUT I DO NOT look like an effing IDIOT: Yesterday this girl was wearing a TYE DYE SHIRT with like smiley faces and church camp garble on it, shorts, some ratty tennis shoes and..... tall green and red socks scrunched down with CHRISTMAS tress on on them... SERIOUSLY???

Now on to DATE TIPS:

Until about 2 months ago I had literally been on like 2 dates in my entire life. SOMEHOW--- luck i guess--- I've been going on lots of dates lately and I'd like to share some things I've learned (these apply to the first 1-3 dates):

Dating Tip #1: ALWAYS DRINK ALCOHOL--- I went on a date Sunday evening and I'd been hungover all weekend and really didn't feel like drinking, so of course my date didn't either. The whole thing was extremely awful and I partially blame it on the (lack of) alcohol. 1. It gives you something to do with your hands 2. It gives you something to do during awk silence 3. it relaxes you a little bit.

Dating Tip #2: NEVER DRINK TOO MUCH ALCOHOL--- He got wasted, I drove his 100 foot high truck home, he pissed in my apartment parking lot, I haven't talked to him since then, nuff said!

Dating Tip #3: Ok- so, clearly, I haven't been on THAT many dates, so that's really all I have. I guess- HAVE FUN. The worst that will happen is you never see each other again.